After seeing what Gregory Maguire could do with a little old blind woman, I thought I’d give another go at my muscle-man from this morning’s post.
Before, my description of Thurn the Builder was simple:
“He had soft green eyes, hair the color of sand, and a thick, chiseled chest.”
I decided to look past the eye and hair color, and focus more on this man’s brute size and off-setting visage. Thurn may be a kind man by nature, but I don’t want to give the impression that he’s soft. If he’s going to be one of the good guys, I want my readers to be glad that he’s on their side. So here is my new version of Thurn the Builder. It’s a little rough, but, hey, so is he.
Thurn the Builder frightened Mileen. He was a bull of a man, with coarse, wild hair upon every inch of his bare flesh. In his hands he carried a block of red sandstone as if it were no heavier than a tray of tarts. Each step, each turn, each breath revealed a new set of grotesque muscles. Across his lip ran a red, crusty gash that split when he smiled, which he did quite often. And though Mileen knew that Thurn was a gentle man by reputation, his jagged teeth and sun-charred skin made her wish she had never come to meet him.